I am really excited to blog with everyone about my experience on Married at First Sight: Second Chances. This blog I am going to run a little different. Ever wonder what goes through my head watching all of this play out? What I was thinking in the moment? Well, I am going to tell you. This is more of like a running diary than a blog.
Since we are jumping in here, let’s get caught up…so, after a bunch of failed relationships and close calls, I decided to take a leap of faith and marry a stranger. After six weeks of marriage, I was officially a divorcee and no closer to finding true love than I was before I did the Married at First Sight experiment. Although my marriage failed, I had always believed that I was supposed to do Married at First Sight. I knew it wasn’t to be with Ashley, but I knew there was a reason. That reason finally manifested with this second chance. Trust me, I was probably more shocked than you were when I was asked if I wanted this second chance.
As grateful as I am about this opportunity, I was slightly hesitant. Married at First Sight didn’t work out and it was tough to play it back. What if this didn’t work out? After much consideration and realizing that the greatest rewards in life come with the greatest risk, I decided…why not take another chance? Why not take a… dare I say it…Second Chance (get it?).
So I started out with 100 women, and after speed dating that number was cut to 50. I invited 50 to a cookout with my friends Ryan and Katy and then had to select 25 to continue dating. From there, I had a pool and cocktail party where I had to narrow it down to the top 10. It was filled with awkward moments, catfights, cannon balls and kisses. But here we are, at the final 10.
All caught up? Okay good….
Here is part 4 in the chapter of my life called Second Chances and it goes a little something like this…
Last week, we left you all pondering who it was I was going to break up with. This break up is tough…the last time I broke up with someone was…well never. I did swipe left that one time on a dating app though. I don’t usually do the breaking up and that’s why this is so much of a challenge. Not only am I doing something that I am not comfortable with, I really feel for the person I am about to end things with. I know how it feels to lay it all out there on the line in the name of love, only to be rejected.
A lot of thoughts are going through my head as I make that walk to the door. Did I give this enough time- how could I possibly have? There are so many women and only one of me (something I never thought I’d say). This person is in my top 10 for a reason, but when I think about the other nine women- who most have had the same amount of time with me as this person, I can’t see myself breaking up with them. Alas, I had to…and It had to be Mandy-Grace.
My decision behind this was that, compared to the other women, I couldn’t see a future with her. I also felt that Mandy-Grace could be the one stirring the pot and causing a lot of the gossip and drama, something that I hate. That is why after the breakup when she tells me to watch out for Maya, I take it with a grain of salt.
Lets talk about Maya, while we are here. Is it really bad that Maya doesn’t get along with all of the girls? If I were dating a girl with a bunch of other guys, I wouldn’t like those guys either. She likes me and, as cliché as it sounds, she’s not here to make friends…and I am okay with that.
Pastor Calvin Meeting
I’ll be honest. Initially, I was a little hesitant to meet with Pastor Calvin. He didn’t have anything to do with my marriage and I didn’t know him, so I was unsure how much I could open up. But Pastor Calvin values the Married at First Sight family and invited me into his office so I could meet with him to discuss everything that was going on. So I did. And this meeting changes, not just how I look at this process but, how I look at life.
What he says is so basic and true: that I need to treat my love life how I treat my job. At work, you all wouldn’t recognize me… heck, my producer didn’t. One day he heard me on a work phone call and when I hung up, he goes “Who was that guy?” I am just more confident and decisive at work than I ever have been in my dating life.
He basically says that I need to Project Manage my life. This is advice that I have shared with a co-worker and friend of mine. We still, to this day, always remind one another to “Project manage our lives.” So simple, so effective and I think you will start to see a change in me after this, so mark this day.
After helping me make sense of life, Pastor Calvin is immediately going to put what he has taught me to the test. He tells me that I need to break up with two people this week. It was hard to do this to one person who I was just starting to know… how could I do this twice in one night with people who I was getting to know even more and felt even more connected to? How was I going to do this? Good thing I know how to Project Manage my life now.
At this point, I knew there was something there with Melika and Isabella. I knew Maya and I needed to get back on the same page, otherwise she wouldn’t be able to take it, and neither would I. Then, there is everyone else who I was still sorting out my feelings for. Melika, Isabella and Maya couldn’t be any further apart personality-wise, so I needed to start figuring things out. Luckily, there was a group date coming up. What could possibly go wrong…?
Okay, truth be told…I went to a roller-skating birthday party when I was 8. At this party, I fell, chipped my front tooth and haven’t been back on roller-skates since. Think about that. You know how many roller-skating birthdays I missed because I couldn’t skate? You know how many romantic handholding moments I never had on the skating rink because I couldn’t roller blade? I’m pretty sure my second grade girlfriend Tori would have never moved away if I could have roller-skated. Oh well. At least Isabella likes my terrible skating.
Where to start…I was starting to learn that these group dates wouldn’t be easy. The first time, they attacked each other in cars, now they are using their words.
Remember when I said I thought Mandy-Grace was stirring the pot? Well there we go, I was right. Melika confronts Callie saying that Mandy-Grace told her that Callie was calling all the girls names. I’m just surprised that she sold Callie out, who I thought was her friend. I know all the girls are upset about it, but I’m thinking ‘why are we even talking about Mandy-Grace?’ Didn’t I break up with her?
So Melika says that Callie calls her Wet Seal because that’s where Melika’s clothes look like they are from. Can we talk about Wet Seal for a second? What is it? Does it matter? If I don’t care if that’s where your clothes are from, then who cares what national TV thinks? Granted, I care what you all think about this blog, but (and don’t take this the wrong way) I care more about what those nine other women think of me first. Hmm…I’m going to have to think on this. One thing I do know, though, is Melika probably isn’t going to be welcomed into a Wet Seal store anytime soon after that anti-advertisement.
This is all pointless to me and I want to get away from it, which leads me to a conversation with Jordan. Jordan is so sweet and so genuine and someone that I decide early on is someone that I can trust. That’s why I’m so taken back when she drops this truth bomb that Melika told her she can’t see a future with me. This is alarming, but also this date is filled with ‘he said she said’ types of conversations and I am struggling to make sense of it all, just like I am sure you are as well.
I am conflicted. On one hand, I believe Jordan because she is so trustworthy and I think so highly of her… she has no reason to lie and say that. But why would she say this? She and Melika are friends. They talk to each other often on the group dates. But then I think back to when Maya and I were really digging each other and I was probably focused more on her than others. When that was the case, the girls said Maya wasn’t here for the right reasons. Now that my attention is focused a little bit more on Melika, it’s Meilka who isn’t here for the right reasons and no one is talking about Maya. So I’m struggling on whether or not this is true or if the women are just trying to take cheap shots at the person I’m liking the most, since, lets be honest… I’m not one to play it cool or hide my emotions. Either way, I’m ready for this date to be over…but its not over yet.
All this will have to wait because as I’m dealing with this Jordan/Melika thing, Callie has her skates in hand and is about to leave…how is this my life right now? Remember the days when I lived in silence in a great big house and tried to get someone to talk to me…
This Callie thing is interesting. I feel bad for her, but on one hand she’s bailing on a date because she hates how the other girls are being mean to her. I hate to say karma sucks…but karma sucks. Maya has been dealing with this since Day one and the one time Callie takes heat from some of the girls, she is going to bail? Say what you want about Maya, but she’s been dealing with this nonstop and she still shows up. There is something to be said about that, showing up when you know it’s going to be a bad day. Maya deserves some slack because if you had a group of people beating down on you everyday, you’d probably want to bail, but she hasn’t because she doesn’t want to bail on us. But this is getting exhausting- time to Project Manage my life! Pastor Calvin, here we go!
I throw it down the best way I know how. I say and mean that I trust everyone is here for the right reasons. I am here looking for a wife, I am not dating outside of this group and I want one of these nine women to be my future wife. I say to the women, ‘if you don’t see that future, come talk to me and we can discuss,’ because love is a two-way street. I’m proud of myself, I know what I want and I am taking it, even if it means I might have driven someone away. However, I think it would have held slightly more weight if I actually could have skated away. My stumbling, deer on ice, sad attempt to skate away probably took away from some of the seriousness of the moment.
The good news is that Brittany came over. Thankfully, she seems to be so far away from the drama and the fact the she skates over to me to make sure I’m okay means a lot. I like it. This is the first moment within a group date that wasn’t drama driven. This moment was about us. She obviously could tell I was hurt and she cared about that. She cared, not about this process, but about me. That’s important in a relationship, so that made it a no brainer that she was getting the date tonight and I could not be more excited.
Truth be told, I went to the Botanical Gardens once before on a date. It was a great date and I was worried about if any date could ever live up to that… Well, it did and it was awesome!
No drama, just us realizing that Brittany and I have a lot in common…Best part about the date was, not once did any of the other girls come up on this date. This was such a relaxing night and exactly what I needed at this point in the process. It was refreshing.
Yes, Brittany and I did kiss. I’m also very aware that I have kissed a lot of the women so far during this second chance. I also know what Dr. Pepper said, but Rachel also says that she encourages a little bit of intimacy at this point in the process. I treat each date individually from one another. Just because I kissed one person, shouldn’t rob another person of our first kiss. Remember when people said I should make a move? Now I am and the same people are saying I shouldn’t, so I’m just going to take these moments as they come… no need to force anything.
Maya Break Up/Painting Date
Remember when I said I was bad at roller-skating? I’m probably worse at painting. I probably should pick better dates.
Remember that time I said that Maya is here for the right reasons and the other girls were wrong? That we have a future together? Also, remember when I told the girls that if they weren’t here for the right reasons and they didn’t see a future with me to let me know- kind of subtly directing that to Melika and how proud I was of that? Well forget what I said, I was wrong. Dead wrong.
Going through that Maya breakup was tough. A week ago, I was envisioning this ending with me down on one knee holding her hand with a ring in my other hand…Now… we are here.
I hated that she was leaving, but understood why she was breaking up with me. The Maya that broke up with me that day is not the Maya I thought I could fall in love with. She changed, not as a person, but the process was changing her and that’s no good for anyone. Our relationship was already strained, and I wanted to fight for her, but I feel like I did all I could. I learned from my marriage that you can’t change people’s minds, you have to be able to let go. I did the very best I could in this relationship and it’s sad to see her go, because in another life, at another time, in another situation… I marry Maya.
Kinda sucks to get dumped…again. However, I do appreciate that Maya had this conversation with me now, as opposed to wasting my time for months and then deciding to leave. This will allow me to see what else is there with the remaining eight women. I appreciate that and will always be grateful that she did this now as opposed to later, so I can have a real opportunity to find the one.
Callie brings a gun on a date. After she left a date early because she was mad at other girls…so I’m thinking maybe I should have invited her to the painting date instead.
This conversation with Callie…it’s all over the place. If she said something mean to the other girls, I think it’s best to just own up to it, accept responsibility, apologize and let’s move on. Excuses are just making it worse. I know that she kind of did just that, but it doesn’t feel sincere at all. She’s telling me what she thinks I want to hear so I don’t break up with her this week. I just want her to be sincere. That’s it.
I still don’t get exactly what’s going on at this point. I know there is more to this story, I just don’t know what it is and I am frustrated. If it’s against her, let me help her. If there is more to uncover and she’s hiding something more, she should let me know. I’d hate to find out later.
After almost being matched, 15 months in between and multiple group dates…it’s time to rejoice, because I’m finally going on a one-on-one date with Jordan!
Sadly, this isn’t the date I thought we would get. These dates are supposed to be about me and the person I am on a date with and moving our relationship forward. It’s not about comparing or talking about the other women who aren’t even here right now. I am really frustrated with the direction this date with Jordan is going. I hate to compare dates, but compared to the date I had with Brittany– where the other girls weren’t mentioned at all– this was frustrating. I wanted to see if Jordan and I could be married and what would have happened if we were. But it’s impossible to do that when we are only talking about the other women, which makes me think ‘are we only talking about the drama because there’s nothing her and I have in common?’ Is it that we have nothing to talk about? This is concerning and not how I thought the date was going to go.
The good news about Maya breaking up with me is that I only have to break up with one person tonight instead of two (yay?). This break up is tough, y’all, and we will talk about it more next week. I can say that this one is intense and one that I lost sleep over.
Really quick disclaimer: I don’t know what happens on a week-to-week basis with her story…
So my prediction for her second break up is…
I love my man Shannon, he’s my dude. He was my pick to end up with Vanessa. However, how are you going to go to Thailand for ten days at this point in the process? Later Bruh. But I guess maybe he is thinking that if he’s in Thailand, he can’t get broken up with? Bold strategy; let’s see how it plays out.
I’m excited for everyone to see next week’s episode! I got chills watching that preview, and I know what happens! Next week is one for the record books and I can’t wait to talk with you all about it. Let me hear your thoughts about this episode and predictions for the future.