Derek Schwartz from Season 4 of Married At First Sight shares valuable advice with each of the new couples.
Married At First Sight Season 6 premieres Tuesday, January 2nd at 9/8c on Lifetime.
Dear Jaclyn, Ryan, Shawniece, Jephte, Molly, and Jonathan,
Well, tonight is the night! The new season of Married At First Sight finally begins and after months of waiting, us viewers finally get to meet you and see you with your new spouses. We couldn’t be more excited. This will be the 2nd new season to start since mine ended and just like at the beginning of season 5, I know that a lot of feelings are going to hit me as I watch the premiere. With this idea in mind, I wanted to reach out to you guys and share some thoughts that may make things a little easier for you all moving forward.
With tonight being the big night I know that the pressure is on! Everybody wants to see three successful couples. They are going to be cheering for you while watching and analyzing every move you make. But don’t worry, you can handle this!
As I write this, I am so excited for you all because you have the opportunity of a lifetime in front of you. Just about everyone has the chance to meet the person of their dreams and fall in love, but very few people will have the chance to meet that person and grow in love together for the entire world to see.
It won’t be easy, but nothing worth keeping ever is. It seems that people sometimes forget that in America, 41% of first marriages fail. That statistic reflects people who were in love first and were still not able to figure it out. A lot of people will be skeptical and will want to talk about the failed marriages and the couples who didn’t work out in the end, but let’s look at one who did.
Jamie Otis and Doug Hehner are the perfect example of how things can turn out. Every person who signs up for this experiment is hoping for a story like theirs, as they are the quintessential success story from this experiment. Their story is one for the ages and is almost too unique and magical to even believe but that’s what makes it so special! For a love like theirs, you and I would risk it all. We would risk heartbreak, failure, and embarrassment while we endure the public scrutiny and all of the opinions of those who watch just for a chance to find true love.
With no risk comes no reward and you must always remember that no matter what happens from this point on, you have already won. You have challenged yourself and risen to the occasion. You have stepped outside of your comfort zone to try something new with the hopes of new results and that takes bravery and heart!
Keep in mind that, because you will become husband and wife overnight – people will expect to see you fall in love overnight as well. That isn’t going to happen and shouldn’t happen. We have seen what happens when that initial spark is so strong that it eventually fades out before the true connection has a chance to develop. Love can be confused with lust and a couple with all of the potential in the world can end up in a terrible place. Take your time. You have the rest of your lives to get to know one another now.
You may be asking yourself “what can the guy with the shortest marriage in the history of the process tell me and why should I listen?”
Well, I have seen the process work at its best, and lived through the process at its worst. I have spoken to just about everyone who has been through this experiment and learned from each and every one of them, especially the couples from season 4 who I got to know on such a personal level.
I have no doubt that when I see the grooms waiting to see their new brides for the first time that I will be taken back to that moment and remember everything I was feeling. All of the hope, optimism and excitement. Who could have guessed that things would fall apart so quickly during my time in the experiment?
One thing to keep in mind is that even though everyone goes into this process with the right intentions, there is no way to predict how they will feel once things get rolling. Someone could close themselves off, put up a wall, or even get nervous and start looking for reasons for things not to work. While that can be hurtful, it is understandable. This is not something that any of us have experienced until you are right in the middle of it so be open to anything and try not to take it personally.
Remember that not everyone will move at the same pace as you or see things the way you do. Please be understanding.
Not everyone will feel comfortable opening up right away and physical affection may be scarce. Please be patient.
You will have growing pains as you grow together. This person will not know your limits, your tendencies or your feelings about certain things until you have the chance to speak about them together. Please be open.
You are going to butt heads eventually – there is no way around it. Please be forgiving.
It is easy to get along when everyone is happy but it’s when someone is not where the true test begins. Learning how to work with each other during the bad times will be one of your most difficult tests, especially early on when you don’t have much history together to cling to.
At the end of my season one of the experts asked me if I had any regrets or if I would have done anything differently. At the time, I said I had none and I would have done things the same way. That was me talking before having the opportunity to watch the events back with the commentary of all of the amazing fans along the way. It was also before I had a ton of time to reflect and think back on everything. Sometimes it takes a stranger to point something out in us that we aren’t seeing ourselves. It also takes a very strong person to realize that someone who doesn’t know us may be able to recognize something within us that we may not see. Sometimes life’s most valuable lessons can only be understood over time. With that being said, please keep an open mind and two open ears at all times and remember that the experts are there to help guide you to success, even if it seems unlikely, accept their guidance and have faith in the process, as well as in your new partner. They were picked for you for a reason.
When I first met the person I was matched with, I was so excited to share everything about myself and show them who I was that I may have neglected to take the time to learn about them and who they were. I assumed that we would click naturally based on the expert’s research and that things would just feel right. What I neglected to consider was the amount of work we still had before us. It may be easy to think that the hard part is behind you once you exchange those vows but that is truly where the work begins.
Although things didn’t work out in my story as I hoped they would, they can still work out for you and that is what I will be hoping for.
As you exchange those vows tonight with the truest and purest intentions I will be watching, listening and cheering you on along with all of the fans of the show across the world. Enjoy your special day together and the time with your family and friends. I know it has been a long process to get to this point, but be ready. Be ready to learn, listen, compromise, share, change, and most of all work!
All good things take work, and with enough of it, your dream may become your reality. Just ask Jamie and Doug! Or Cortney and Jason! Or Anthony and Ashley!
I’m looking forward to watching your stories unfold.
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